[janeiffer]

Hi, I'm new to the forum and now, at this stage, find that I need help from those going through the same thing my boyfriend and I are. He was diagnosed with kidney cancer 2 years ago and was already at stage 4. His kidney was removed. One year later to the day he had to have his sternum removed due to a mass. 9 months after that he went through 15 radiation treatments for a mass in the shoulder, (correct name?? but it's where the arm and shoulder meet). He has tumors, although treatment has shrunk them, in his lungs and now his oncologist said he's going to keep an "eye" on the spots on his ribs. As his girlfriend, someone who loves his so much, I pretty much live in silence with MY pain. I want to be strong for him, listen to him, encourage him etc.... but today I have my first migraine and I know it's the stress of wondering what is to come. So my question to the forum is...What is to come??? At the onset of shoulder mass his dr. said maybe 5 years. It seems that this is progressing rather quickly and I find 5 years a real stretch, (although, I would like to believe 50 years)! Just this past week he has not eaten like normal, sleeps alot, has lost some zest for life. We are harley riders, it's our weather. Although he has still been able to ride I see a loss of hope. At least this week. Most often his attitude is "Why not me"? rather that "Why me? But for me, I need to know what to expect, both physical and mental health wise. What is it that I can do for him? Can I cry in front of him when we talk about the darker side, I'm suffering in silence. We are only 46!!! What a terrible blow.

Thank you for reading,
Jane

[spen559cer]

I am sorry to hear about your bf's cancer and realize just how hard on you this must be. It is so hard to keep all your feelings and emotions inside while you want to be there to support him through all of this -- especially for a woman. We just show our emotions on our sleeve, and it is extra hard for us to hide our true feelings. I cannot give you any info on bone cancer (my husband's cousin is now suffering from the same thing), I can offer you my support, understanding and friendship. What you really need to do for yourself is to take time out of everyday just for yourself, even if it is just for 15 minutes. During that time, deep breathing and/or meditation can help you a lot with your anxiety, as it has helped me with mine which I have for other reasons. You do need to speak to someone, so I suggest finding a social worker to whom you can confide and it would be strictly confidential. You can check with cancer associations, your church, even your medical insurance. If you could afford to go even once a week, you would be provided with so much relief and support. Take good care of yourself, hope your bf does better, and just hang in there.